He\’s Sober Now What? A Spouse\’s Guide to Alcoholism Recovery

Behavioral health treatment providers see the strain that addiction can have on a person’s most intimate relationships every day. The supportive partner may also go through their own emotional process. SUD takes an enormous toll on intimate relationships. It’s often very difficult for the partner to let go of the resentment, anger, and fear they’ve felt over the time their partner was using drugs and alcohol. After thorough consideration and exploration of options, Lucy and Larry want to make decisions that match their values, priorities, and mental health.

• When one partner decides to change their behavior (quit using drugs and alcohol), it causes ripples throughout the family system.
• Sometimes a relationship can survive through addiction.
• It is important for both parties to evaluate the role addiction has taken in the relationship.
• Because of the difficult aspects of substance use recovery, the partner in recovery may not initially have the energy to commit to healing the relationship.

Steps to Recover From a Divorce

Rehab and recovery is one of the most important, yet also at times one of the most difficult, periods of your life. Recovering from a substance use disorder is incredibly emotionally taxing and traumatic on its own. Despite that, it’s also a point when we are very likely to face divorce and estrangement from spouses, even those we’ve lived with for decades. Losing loved ones and marriages during a period of intense trauma can trigger you into relapsing, it will make recovery harder, and it will mean putting in more work and asking for more help.

Seeking Treatment For Addiction

By doing so, you can build a fulfilling, stable life for yourself and your children while maintaining your commitment to sobriety. Everyone is impacted differently in a marriage affected by addiction, especially for couples with children. The nature of the disease of substance use disorder causes people suffering from addiction to behave in ways that prioritize substance misuse above all else, including those they love. Unfortunately, some actions and damage cannot be repaired even with intense therapy and counseling. In cases of physical, emotional, and financial abuse, the spouse of someone with substance use disorder feels betrayed and unable to return to the relationship for their own health and safety. Previous breaches of trust due to secrecy and broken communication can linger like a black cloud over a couple regardless of how much they want to make their marriage work.

• If you made the decision to leave, you might be facing remorse or guilt.
• These all help you to ground your life, find emotional balance, and to build a physical and emotional base for your recovery.
• You may fall into the trap of trying desperately to reconcile with your spouse, begging for forgiveness or promising anything to hold on to the relationship.
• First, addiction can impact a person’s ability to work, often resulting in worsened job performance, job loss, and difficulty finding a job.
• Other issues within a marriage, such as a lack of compatibility, can become clearer after a person has become sober and is able to process the effects of their addiction on the relationship.
• These are my best tips as you work through your divorce and sobriety.

Sobriety Can’t Save an Alcoholic Marriage.

We know what it’s like to have a new chance at life. Consider a mediator, therapist, certified divorce financial analyst, or a co-parenting counselor to help resolve conflict. Have a lawyer review your final agreement if you’d like, just to make sure it says what you think it says and is enforceable. What if you can’t agree on custody or divorce-related terms?

But you can successfully work through the emotions and start a new life after divorce, says clinical social worker specialist Karen Tucker, LISW-S, ACSW. Even as an active drinker, I was mostly good about apologizing to my wife the morning after a painful argument or biting comments made while drinking. I wasn’t so blind and arrogant that I couldn’t admit fault. But I didn’t understand how meaningless those apologies were. Part of the process of forgiveness requires a belief by the offended that the offender won’t perpetrate the same offense again in the future.

Meanwhile, Liam publicly addressed their split in an Instagram post three days later. “Just a quick note to say that Miley and I have recently separated, and I wish her nothing but health and happiness going forward,” he wrote at the time. There are hundreds of different therapists using different modalities, each of whom has a different personality. Call a few for consultations to make sure they’re a good fit. There’s no shame in leaning on a therapist for a short time. They can help you examine your view of the relationship, and help you move forward from it.

These groups provide a sense of belonging and understanding, fostering a shared resilience that is critical in overcoming the challenges of divorce and sobriety. Professional support, such as therapy, often becomes a cornerstone divorce after sobriety for many navigating divorce while maintaining sobriety. Therapists act as guides, helping individuals develop coping strategies and providing a safe space to untangle the web of emotions that divorce brings.

Think about self-care like taking a relaxing bath each week or trying your hand at painting. “You know you’re moving forward when you begin to build a new life worth living,” Tucker says. Even though it might not feel like your life is in a good place, try to be positive. Ultimately, you’ll work your way through the challenges and move on. You may also benefit from a divorce recovery group.